22 July 2019

Troika Backgrounds - Animals

 These are not the final version of the first 36, so there will be discrepancies between this and elsewhere.

Comrade Dog
You're a dog. You're also a cosmonaut. You have no hecking idea where you are, but you're still gonna have a good time.
CCCP Cosmonaut Suit w/ bubble helmet (light armor and space worthy)
Dog Communist Literature
Cosmonaut Gun (pistolet, shotgun, fusil combo, how you can use it with paws is a mystery to everyone)
Advanced Skills
1 Spaceship Piloting
3 Awareness
2 Tail Wagging
1 Gun Fighting
2 Dog Fighting
2 Dig

Some Pig
spider that reads and writes
Advance skills
3 Dance
3 Spear Fighting
2 Sheep-talking
2 airplane fighting

Particularly Naughty Rabbit
You're a small rabbit from a watercolor world. You wear an adorable bit of human-like clothes. Very snazzy or sharp. While you lack thumbs, you can brew an excellent cup of tea. Despite being a small rabbit, you can generally make yourself understandable to most non-animal talking people. You also throw a mean punch, striking as a modest beast.
Tea service
Jacket, coat, dress, or similar respectable clothes.
Advanced Skills
3 Tea
3 Fist Fighting
2 Sneak
2 Awareness
2 Jump

Ghost of a chicken
You are the restless soul of a chicken some brave adventurers used to check for traps
Small Beak
Advanced skills
1 spooking
1 sneaking
1 chicken fighting
2 awareness

You're a wolf. You have a sword. And you aren't afraid to use it.
advanced skills
6 wolf
3 greatsword fighting
2 Awareness
2 Run

.....holy shit you can talk? You're the result of animal experimentation, or are naturally a creature that is both cat and doglike that has been experimented on. In either case you can talk.
Large specimen ID tag or tattoo
An over-sized barrette (damage as dagger)
Advanced skills
3 hair accessory fighting
2 brooding
1 sniffing

CHECK Cat-Rabbit
You're an adorable cat-rabbit thing. You can’t really speak but you love to eat carrots.
None you're a cat-rabbit.
Advanced skills
3 starship piloting
2 pew pew fighting
4 cute
2 Run
1 Acrobatics
You transform into an interstellar warship.

Giant Flatworm
You are a giant flatworm. Shit that's horrifying. You can exist outside of moist environments and that's even more horrifying. Despite being a flatworm, you can communicate to other people. Somehow. And I feel that might be most horrifying of all.
Penis Sword
Advanced Skills
3 Penis fighting

15 July 2019

Troika Backgrounds - Anthro

These are not the final version of the first 36, so there will be discrepancies between this and elsewhere.

Moon-rat Fusilier
You're a so called Moon-Rat and from a distance you could be mistaken for a human child where it not for your ears and large customized fusil. It is true that long ago your people came from a moon, but who cares. You have money to make and people to shoot. There is a rivalry between the three fellowships on how they achieve their repudiated prowess with fusils: the Order of the Blackened Hand, who will customize plasmic cores; the Jolly Fraternity of the Crosshair, who believe in picking their shots carefully; the School, who customize their fusils constantly and heavily.
Customized Fusil (+1 to Fusil Fighting and damage)
2d6 Plasmic Orbs
Wide-brimmed floppy hat complete with feather
Jaunty rapier
Cuirass of Proof (modest armor)
Advanced Skills
3 Fusil Fighting
2 Climb
2 Tunnel Fighting
1 Gunsmithing
1 Sword Fighting
1 Tinkering

Adolescent Anthropomorphic Assassin Animal
Brightly colored wrist bands and eye-mask bandanna
Assassin weapons
The number of several acceptable delivery places
Advanced Skills
3 Skateboarding
2 assassin weapon fighting
2 cooking
2 Sneak
2 Surfing
2 Swimming

Cycle-riding Rodents of the Scarlet Lands
You are bipedal sophant that bears a strong resemblance to common mice, only you're 6'+, muscular and have antennae. Your home world has been stripped of its resources by interplanetary capitalists and turned into a desolate wasteland. While you miss your home, you feel the call to adventure. Whether you are truly a vigilante for justice against opportunistic colonizers or not, you still crave the adrenaline rush of racing, especially on a motorcycle, an extremely unusual mount outside of the Scarlet Lands.
Chopper, or Sport bike
Mechanical limb, blocky and frizting w/ built in fusil (+2 Strength), or Sweet Shades (+2 Awareness), power cestus (as modest beast +1) & pistolet, or metal half-mask & multi-function flares (+1 to a variety things that could solved with fire)
Tool box
Advanced skills
3 Motorcycle fighting
2 percussive maintenance
2 Weapon Fighting in your specific weapons
2 Fist Fighting
1 Strength

08 July 2019

Troika Backgrounds - Excess

These are backgrounds from my initial flurry of creation that didn't make the cut. Some because they didn't thrill me, orc lumberjack, demon barber. Other, like the Dead Traveller Character, felt like too much of an in-joke. Same with the corpse. Two, mouse on a motorcycle and the operator dog, felt too similar to other backgrounds. And the macross mecha expy felt just weird but not weird enough to displace anything else. The Newspaper Stand, while a joke, I just can't spare the brain to figure out how to do a JoJo on my own.

Orc Lumberjack
Doublebit axe
Whittling knife
Flannel shirt
Advanced skills
4 strength
2 axe fighting
2 dad hugs
3 lumbering
2 ox care
2 flapjackery

Dead Traveller Character
You're a traveller character. You are acutely aware of that fact. You also extremely aware that you died during character creation.
What you'd have received if you'd survive to muster out.
Advanced skills
What you'd have received if you'd survive to muster out.
Meta note to the player: there must be at least dead traveller character already rolled up stashed somewhere.

Demon Barber
Whether an actual demon or merely demonic, for you'll never tell, you are member of the illustrious guild of barbers, and your epitaph is well earned for the keeness and quickness of your shaves, and your rumored dark appetites.
Straight razor
Badger Bristle Brush
Boar Bristle Brush
Advance Skills
2 Barbering
1 chirurgery
1 Cooking
2 Butchering
2 Razor Fighting
2 Barber patter
1 Singing

Mouse on a motorcycle
You're a mouse that can talk and drive small toy vehicles by making engine noises.
Small toy motorcycle
Half of a ping-pong ball helmet (light armor)
Advanced Skills
3 Motorcycling
3 sneaking
3 climbing
6 Mouse
Normal rations count as three rations for you due to your adorable small size.

Operator Dog
Bandolier of 6 plasmic orbs
Advanced Skills
3 Dog Fighting
1 Fetching
3 Sniffing
2 Awareness
2 Tail Wagging
2 Sneak

Miniaturized Transforming Fighter-jet Pilot
Due to a space-fold mishap you've found yourself in a weird land of Zentradi and other giant creatures.
Zentradi Uniform
Transforming Fighter jet (heavy armor)
Head-mounted lasers (combined as pistolet)
Rotary Cannon Gunpod (damage as a fusil. Will run out of ammo)
200 rounds (20 bursts) of gunpod ammo
1d6 missiles (as a fusil)
Flight suit in your size
Pistol in your size
Idol statue
Signed idol poster
Advanced Skills
3 Acrobatics
2 Fusil fighting
2 Pistolet fighting
2 Robot Pilot
1 Disguise
1 Fist Fighting
Your rolled stamina is also your robot's and it requires mechanical repairs to recover Stamina. Due to the unfamiliarity of its construction 2 Stamina per hour of work. Standard rations count as three for you due to size.

2d6 worms
Burial Shroud
Advanced Skills

Newspaper Stand (Yes this is JoJo reference)/ Maybe Newsie who is a stand user
Advanced Skills
2 Posing

06 July 2019

Creative Writing 101

Creative Writing 101: Or even if  it doesn’t need them, D&D already has these tools
This is both a general response this sentiment and a direct response to some assholes about what DnD should & shouldn’t do, can & can’t do, and a potentially a whole slew of other contentious issues in the RPG hobby, community, and industry.
To begin, I am not against what are called narrative tools or the use of narrative language, discussions about how to construct games and sessions to foster certain kinds of stories or basically all the things that some folks derisively call “storygame shit.”
I’m not against them in DnD and OSR games.
I am not against them period.
What I am is against the declarative statements of what DnD should be doing, and should be including. I will dig through all the ways DnD already explicitly does many of these shoulds.
I also do not play 5e DnD. The last edition of I played was 3.5. So I don’t have a “working knowledge” of the most current edition, which to be as germane as possible is the one I will be using; I do happen have the books so I will try to minimize the amount of talking out my own asshole by pulling out passages from the core rules, which also to be germane to this topic I am restricting myself to.
Here are couple of direct quotes of why I am responding to:
D&D is clearly a combat focused game, where combat and violence shape the narrative naturally by its very inclusion and focus in the books, inarguably that's a narrative shaping going on there, but D&D raw doesn't tell a GM *how* to use that violence to tell a story besides its broad themes of Kill Stuff Good. It doesn't educate a player on how to build drama into their characters, it doesn't explain what kind of plot beats go best with which kind of monsters, dungeons and traps (tho some editions and third party content def. have spent some time on this). 
This is the prime focus as I see it. That DnD doesn’t do something that they see it needing to do. They want or think that DnD should be teaching the players (and I always include the GM/DM/Referee etc under this umbrella) that these are things they need to do. Which first means, that DnD needs to teach the players what these things are. And to do so explicitly rather than implicitly. I would say clearly DnD needs this else there wouldn’t be essays and books on applying these concepts to DnD and RPGs broadly. But maybe that’s not clear. I will say that such topics aren’t appropriate for the core rules of an RPG because we have multiple assumptions going on here. What I see as the biggest assumption is new players picking up of the newest edition of D&D need ALL of these tools. They are new to the game, with the further assumption they are new to RPGs period. The books need to explain what an RPG is, what the dice do, the language of D&D, and the rules of the game. That’s just how to play. Still need monsters, because this is D&D. To reiterate. This is D&D. It is its own genre of fantasy and RPG, and has been forever. Still needs advice on how to GM the game as a game, and how to design adventures and monsters. Because this is a game.
It tells you how big a dragon is, how much health it has, how much damage it does and how to kill one, but very rarely does it give examples of what a dragon can *mean*.  It's missing a very important element of passing down these storytelling tools - the education in their proper usage. 
So part of this is the “DnD is about combat because that’s where it’s rules are” discussion that will never die. To short, DnD is about combat. But it’s also not about combat. It’s more about about combat. Even as the editions have put more and more emphasis on the granularity and mechanics of the combat portion of DnD, the culture of DnD as I’ve seen it for decades, especially now on Tumblr and Twitter, is about the stories that happen around or because of combat. Also, this whole “be gay tieflings and do crimes” (as a combination of multiple and congruent sentiments I see expressed in a certain segment of the player base) is a thing. But because DnD is about about combat that's where a lot of page space is used. 
It’s a game. A game ostensibly about dungeons and dragons. A game “about storytelling in worlds of swords and sorcery” (PHB 6). Which is an interesting statement in light of where rpgs as a hobby has shifted over the years. Storytelling is a loaded term for the entrenched hobbyist. But is it for new players? 
So, do we as fresh players need to know what a dragon can mean? i.e. dragon as metaphor. I’ll say no. This is not the same as saying that this isn’t a question to answer, but I’d like to first assume that folks picking up DnD already have some ideas, second that they can think for themselves, third that it is much more interesting if groups create their own meanings, and fourth, this is from the 5e Monster Manual:
Creatures of Ego. Chromatic dragons are united by
their sense of superiority, believing themselves the most
powerful and worthy of all mortal creatures. When they
interact with other creatures, it is only to further their
own interests. They believe in their innate right to rule,
and this belief is the cornerstone of every chromatic
dragon's personality and worldview. Trying to humble
a chromatic dragon is like trying to convince the wind
to stop blowing. To these creatures, humanoids are
animals, fit to serve as prey or beasts of burden, and
wholly unworthy of respect.
This is only a single paragraph on the half page on chromatic dragons in general. Each dragon type has its own half page of flavor text that tells you what that dragon is about. This is not including their lair actions and regional effects sections which also show what these dragons specifically are about. Aside from saying green dragons “take special pleasure in subverting and corrupting the good-hearted” (pg95) what more could you want regarding what a dragon can mean? That green dragons present the sweet corrupting influence of the untamed forest? 
Either this person is unaware of what DnD actually contains, which is possible, or finds even all of that to be insufficient and wants the books that should be for teaching and reference the game of DnD to also be a creative writing text book. A more uncharitable reading would be that they are deliberately obfuscating the content of DnD to highlight the virtues of their own indie storygame.
Continuing on. And I will avoid addressing the aggressive misreading and attacks directed at me by some storygamers.
especially given the increasing popularity of story-focused d&d actual play, i think a LOT of gamers are picking up d&d specifically to tell those kinds of stories - and many that i've talked to find themselves disappointed that they can't sit down and just have a critical role or an adventure zone or whatever just Happen, and talked to GMs who feel an immense pressure to build those stories lest they get lambasted as a bad GM despite not having the tools in the book to do that. i think its reasonable for games about playing roles of characters to have conversations about how better to give players the tools to tell the kinds of stories they want to tell?
This is a very good point. Especially because of Critical Role and The Adventure Zone being extremely popular Actual Plays centered around 5e DnD and evidently being the cause for a massive influx of new players (which is a good fucking thing). But let’s look into the 5e books and see what we can find regarding whether or not GMs have the tools to in the books to do what Mercer or McElroy have done. Hint those are skills acquired through years of playing DnD and being a voice actor in the case of Mercer and I don’t even known what exactly all the McElroys do something involving a million podcasts and being entertainers. It should suffice to say that these folks have developed skills over years if not decades, and that is what is being witness by their audiences. Any dissatisfaction or disappointment on how the first sessions go isn’t going to be a correctable with a text book on creative writing or theater or whatever. Have you ever read folks first works of any kind of creative writing, fiction, non-fiction, poetry? They are all “bad” and have multitudes of flaws because they are beginners. No book is going to magically provide players with the skills to apply what they have. 
Now, let’s dive in the 5e DMG to see what good old WotC has given the new players to work with. I will jump straight to Appendix D: Dungeon Master Inspiration (pg 316) which has several book listed on the subject of creative writing and storytelling. This along with Appendix E: Inspirational Reading (PHB 312), with its large list of fictional works to read (the DMG also has a fair amount of fiction listed) should for the new player offer a bounty of different books the both put the game in a context but also provide insight to the implied deeper meanings, if any are actually needed, of things like dragons.
While I believe this is alone sufficient to begin playing DnD with an eye towards emulating what they see in CR or TAZ, which are also resources in this, I’ll acknowledge the desire to have these tools in the core rules.
In fact, I will argue that the didactic relay of how to construct meaning, insert drama etc will strangle creativity by creating a list of shoulds because it has. There are still tales of woe involving GMs attempting to fit their games to narrative constructs. Because first of all DnD is a fucking game. It doesn’t need to construct, as someone has written “DEEP MEANING,” because the most important meaning is that of folks getting together to have fun.

03 July 2019


This is in response to this prompt. https://twitter.com/jackgraham/status/1146407545919221761

In Kyuun Kyuun: Super Dimensional Love violence's point is in part that it is pointless and tragic as main thrust of the violence is alienation and lack of communication. Ultimately, love communicated through a love song is supposed to "win" the grand conflict.But it is also a mecha rpg and giant transforming robot space plane fights are cool and exciting & that is in part also supposed to be conversation. Sometimes with oneself. Sometimes with a rival. But a conversation. Love & Hate are intertwined emotions. Kyuun Kyuun is, in spite of those design goals, intended to be open ended. If the players turn it into sexy space place duels. Cool. If it turns into traveling pop stars the rpg. Cool. If the players loose or find a different solution. Cool .Kyuun Kyuun is going to be built in part as a "story game" but from an osr perspective of less explicit and direct rules/mechanics. Whether i can accomplish this is unknown.
In a traditional dungeon crawly adventure game, violence has as much point as it does in real life. It has utility. Sometimes is necessary and it has consequences.
And it is likely that violence within CandyDream will have as much of a point as within other adventure games.
The thing is. Not everything always needs to be deeply engaged or examined. Things don't need to be a metaphor. Sometimes a giant arm-mounted fusion cannon is just a giant arm-mounted fusion cannon.
When I see questions and examinations of violence within media, including games, I wonder what preexisting relations folks have with it. The way someone has been subjected to violence colors how they view it just as how those who've felt pressure or have had to unfortunately use it. Just as those who have clear glee at inflicting and perpetuating violence.
Ultimately I believe that examining violence in media has as much utility as using it. Sometimes it's used as prop for moralizing (for or against) which I find frequently useful only as far as it identifies folks I will likely never have productive conversations about anything. Just like I find examinations that, to me, feel to exist in some abstract.
Whereas the same as it applies to how violence has been, is, and could be used in the "real world" to be much more interesting &expansion on that to how it is reflected in media and how that it influences culture.
Contrary to how I've been characterized by many folks on a certain "side" of the rpg hobby as being a reactionary who refuses to examine things or see no utility or whatever, I know that humans are rationalizing, meaning making, story-telling creatures.
We are always constructing ourselves and through that shaping others just as they shape us. I see a lot of good that comes out of these kinds of examinations.
I just rarely see it come out of rpg discourse where it frequently used as a tool to silence & signal. A form of violence. And that is part of why I see a lot of rpg theory wank as wank. It's used as a weapon. Sometimes a crude weapons and other times surprisingly skillful. But rarely skillfully and meaningfully in a way that can be applied outside insular communities.

01 July 2019

Some rpg theory wank, or rather more refutations on D&D needing social rules

The declaration that all games should have social mechanics is disingenuous.
Now I like to argue in the vacuum of an rpg that doesn't have social mechanics and why it's not needed.
Let's talk a bit about Dungeons and Dragons.
Not because have some kind of fetishistic relationship with it.
But it is often, very often, being the game pushed against, and I am going to further show that it's a strawman arguement. This is also the other side of the "D&D is about combat" arguments.
This is still a response to the Meinberg article "Your Game Should Have Social Mechanics." From which I would the reader to keep in mind throughout.
"Now, if a game is not particularly interested in tracking these interactions, the rule can be something simple like “roleplay out the interaction and proceed from the fiction established.” There are some people who would not call this a rule, but it is a rule, it is something that has be designed and decided on and then put into the game. Deciding for light freeform social interactions is a part of the design and must be understood within the context of the rest of the rules."
And just so it's clear, I'm not strawmanning Meinberg. They specifically bring up 4e needing social rules, which means we should be able to examine 4e in the context of the editions with regards to their statements.
As I am talking about D&D specifically in this case, I am going to work backwards. Two reasons. The first is that the most current edition is the one most likely to be engaged with by the casual gamer, therefore the most likely to be what a new gamer will be thinking of when they are talking about D&D. The second is to hopefully get past some bullshit issues gamers who have issues with whatever edition they might have played will pump their brakes and consider the following.
The social mechanics in 5e D&D are:
The skills Deception, Intimidation, Performance, Persuasion, and arguably Hand Animal and Insight. Those are explicit mechanics for interacting in a social manner, which should more than satisfy any requirement that a game at the least explicitly say "role play and move on." These are in the explicitly player facing section of the rules, the Player's Handbook, and they are not hidden in the deep recesses of the rules.
In the Dungeon Master's Guide, the social mechanics is Morale (determines whether or not enemies will flee or surrender).
So 5e has explicit social mechanics.
Now on to 4e.
In the Player's Handbook we have the skills: Bluff, Diplomacy, Intimidate, and arguably Insight.
It does appear the morale rules disappeared from the 4e DMG. Shrug. The rules do explicitly give guidance on how to cover things not covered in the rules, and that is where I stopped searching through the rules of a game I have never played.
Ok. The PHB has skills. Let's just stop there before I relist the same damn skills again. Hard social skills are social mechanics.
The DMG? Well I see no explicit rules for handling monsters deciding to flee. Oh no. Too bad there aren't other social mechanics and guidance on how to cover things not in the rules.
2e AD&D
Until now I've ignored that Charisma is an ability score in D&D, but charisma is a social mechanic. Now that are in the TSR era things get a little more spelled out. Charisma modifies number of henchmen, their loyalty, and reaction rolls between the PC and NPCs/monsters.
The 2e AD&D DMG has Morale, which is a social mechanic that governs whether enemies break, flee, or surrender.
For the sake of brevity, I will point out that all editions from the first brown box through 1e AD&D have the same minimum social mechanics of Charisma modifying how many people you can can as henchmen, how loyal they are, how people/monsters will initially react to you, and whether enemies will flee or surrender or continue to fight to the death. I'm not going super in depth here as I am going off the of the "if your game explicitly says X it's a rule" and therefore explicitly saying that there are rules for hiring, maintaining loyalty, reactions (which the way do explicitly mention negotiation), and moral.
But yet they use 4e specifically as an example of a game that needs rules for an aspect the game it already has covered, social mechanics, or isn't about.
This is strawmanning and doesn't even follow their own logic of "rules focus on is what the focus of a game is" especially when considering the aforementioned your game can just have the rule be "roleplay it and continue" so long as it is explicitly stated. Either the game is about what the rules say it is about or it isn't. If the game lacks rules for something, then the game isn't about that. The game needs to explicitly state what it's not applying mechanics too, even though that is a mechanic/rule itself.
Is this a prescriptive statement for what D&D the game as published should be doing? From their statement, "designer should do their job and design the rules that are the best fit for the game and make sure that they are explicit in the text," I take this article to be speaking directly to the designer, and in this instance the designers of D&D. At this point, in the case of any edition of D&D by the standards Meinberg put forth, D&D already has social mechanics. They just aren't to their taste. This isn't a SHOULD have these rules; this is a SHOULD have the rule they want.

Troika Backgrounds - Isekai Shit

First, a link to wikipedia on wtf isekai is.
Second, a summary; it's a genre of our world type characters ending up in some weird magical or other type land. Examples: Alice in Wonderland, the Wizard of Oz, Farscape, a bunch of those animes.

Now onto the backgrounds:

1995 3/4 Ton Pickup
You're like a helpful and friendly compact car, but actually useful.
Tow hitch
Locking Truck box full of the kinda of things folks keep in truck boxes
Built tough (modest armor)
Dented front bumper (damage as large beast)
King-cab with 2 bucket seats
Bench-seat that seats three
Detailed how-to guide on your make and model (+1 to engineering your make and model)
Advanced skills
3 drive
5 strength
2 car fighting
You cannot speak because you are a truck. You can vaguely make your thoughts and intentions known through flashing your lights, honking your horn or anyother truck based thing. You do not recover stamina by resting. You must have someone else perform maintenance. For every hour you restore 1d3 Stamina, or 3 if the person is familiar with late-20th century automobiles.

2d Girl living in a 3d World
You're not bad (well maybe you are), but you were definitely drawn that way.
Fanservice outfit
Assorted booby-traps
Microphone w/ stand
Makeup kit
Advanced Skills
3 Screaming
3 Singing
3 Patty-cake
2 Beautician
2 Trapping
You are in fact 3d now, but you are vulnerable any kind of solvents, they burn like acid. However, you are incredibly hard to kill otherwise, and therefore counnt as heavily armored and do not die at <0hp unless it from solvents. You do not need use a backpack to carry gear, your cleavage is an extradimensional space. Same inventory rules apply.

You are told you are an orc because you arrived here through a 'magical mishap.' No one believes that you aren't an orc, but are an astronaut of the most powerful nation on your world. Or maybe they simply don't care.
Spacesuit w/ bubble helmet (light armor)
Freeze dried apple pie (3 rations)
Baseball and glove
Half a six-pack of domestic beer including the plastic rings.
Advanced Skills
2 Baseball
2 Climb
2 Drinking
2 Gun Fighting
2 Run
1 Engineering
1 Shuttle Pilot

You were an important person, once, but after your company was taken over and liquidated you found yourself a bit rootless. Which is how you found yourself here.
Power suit
'89 Cellular Telephone
'90 Laptop
Fly-fishing equipment
Advanced skills
3 Office Software
2 Bureaucracy
2 Public Speaking
1 Drive
1 Fly-fishing

You were going up, but you tripped into a hole and woke up here transformed into a gelatinous slime.
Upbeat can-do attitude
Soft and squishy body (light armor)
Advanced skills
As the businessman
You're a slime. That means there are a multitude of things you could do, so I will not bother delineating such things. Have fun.

Comrade Dog
You're a dog. You're also a cosmonaut. You have no hecking idea where you are, but you're still gonna have a good time.
CCCP Cosmonaut Suit w/ bubble helmet (light armor and space worthy)
Dog Communist Literature
Cosmonaut Gun (pistolet, shotgun, fusil combo, how you can use it with paws is a mystery to everyone)
Wagging Tail (+1 to Spell - Amity)
Advanced Skills
3 Awareness
3 Spaceship Piloting
2 Dig
2 Dog Fighting
2 Spell - Amity
1 Gun Fighting

Door to Door Salesperson
You're a person who travels around selling things, like vacuums or brushes or some other mundane thing. You're flustered at somehow ending up here, but, hey, you got sales to make.
2d6 Samples of your wares
Shiny Shoes
Rolodex full of contact information of clients and vendors
Advanced Skills
3 Drive
2 Etiquette
2 Navigation
2 Sales
2 Strength
You always know either the shortest route to your destination OR the route with the most potential sales.

30 June 2019

Why your game SHOULDN'T have social mechanics

But secretly does and why you shouldn't care.

In Meinberg's article,Your Game Should Have Social Mechanics, they argue that all (roleplaying) games (I assume) should have social mechanics. My disagreement that an game should ever have a rule for anything that it doesn't need a rule for aside, their support is, to put it bluntly, asinine and in some respects self-congratulatory. 

They asserts that it should be self-evident that rpgs need these rules and mechanics, but yet there is disagreement. And this is surprising to him. It is as if their has never engaged in any kind of rpg discourse. 

They're surprised about both the lack of an acknowledged and stated need for these rules and that there is disagreement. 

They assert that the game is the rules, which is an entire different discussion that I really don’t wish to get in here even through it relevant to his thesis. 

They assert that games need to be explicit about they are about instead of implicit. Which I can see having some validity.

They then assert that not including rules about social whatevers places a burden on the end-users, and therefore is lazy or bad design. I would argue that there is a difference between a lack of a rule and poorly made rules. The lack of a rule is an invitation to explore that gap. The lack of a rule by being an invitation is compliementing the end-users. It says, “I believe in you. You can fill in the gaps. You can do so better than I can because I am not you. I am not at your table.” It says, “There are far too many things that could be explained and codified to be considered ‘complete’ or ‘good’ and I am choosing to focus on the part of the game I wanted and needed to write. You can take my game and make it yours.” 

Their stance, while it makes sense. There is an entire generation+ that I believe has dealt with the codified mechanized spawn of the 90s and 00s. Where games were still trying to be whatever D&D isn’t by doing things that D&D wasn’t doing for them. Getting rid of incoherent mechanics. Homogenizing how all aspects of a game work. This creates an entire “but since this is a skill, then this that and other should be skills and therefore they should behave similarly.” But this stance is also insulting to the end-user. It’s saying, “I the designer am much cleverer than you are.”

And again. A game does not have a responsibility to cover anything it didn’t.
However, let’s ignore all of this except that a game needs to be explicit about what it’s about. This is important.
Now, if a game is not particularly interested in tracking these interactions, the rule can be something simple like “roleplay out the interaction and proceed from the fiction established.” There are some people who would not call this a rule, but it is a rule, it is something that has be designed and decided on and then put into the game. Deciding for light freeform social interactions is a part of the design and must be understood within the context of the rest of the rules.

Why is this important? They have first that games need to have a rule. That a game needs to be explicit about what it is about. And that now even saying the game doesn’t have a rule, the game by stating it doesn’t have a rule is a rule. They’ve constructed some weird ass circular logic wherein a rule that isn’t a rule is a rule and therefore a game will almost always have a rule.


I don’t even care about whether or not rules for social mechanics foster deeper and better NPCs because now, it doesn’t matter. Anything I, the designer, do, is somehow a rule about that thing even if their isn’t a rule. Unless I don’t even talk about it. Taking this to an extreme, which I only do for humor’s sake, unless you declare that people in your game poop, they don’t poop. Yes, it’s a stupid argument. But let’s think on this stupidity. What other things have designers felt that games need and are clear and obvious? Have you looked at the ridiculous charts for combat by weapon and armor type in Rolemaster? Not only did the designer see a clear need, there was, and still is, an audience for such crunchy crunchy tedium. Folks still argue about how armor in D&D should work, what hit points mean (and hit points have been repeatedly explicitly explained for decades), and that vancian magic is bad. And so many these arguments have the same “I would think it would be self-evident that games should have rules for this but clearly I am mistaken” rhetoric. This isn’t new ground. Games will continue to not have explicit rules for social mechanics, and folks will feel the need to talk about why they should.

In conclusion

I not only have not been convinced of the necessity of any rules for a game I am playing beyond what it has, until I need them, I am seriously reconsidering the necessity of such mechanics in a game that primarily about social and emotional interactions.

If you want, while you’re here, you can see the various ways you can hurl money at me and get game and game supplements of dubious quality.

Also check out DreamJam.

29 June 2019

Macross Twitter Megapost

Misa is great

This is just me sticking all the threads I've done about Macross in one place.


27 June 2019

CandyDream: a Sword Dream RPG of Exploring a Confectionery Kingdom and Neighbors

I wrote another game. It's a combination of a game for Libre Baskerville Jam and the upcoming DreamJam.

CandyDream violates a few of the Libre Baskerville Jam rules. It is also partially a hack of There is no Outside, or maybe that is a hack of this. But, this game definitely comes from an Outside. An alternate universe without TSR and D&D.

Forgot to mention I have two games already in the #librebaskervillejam

Due to contraints of the this jam these games I've written are HELLA rough.
Distractions in Libre Baskerville is the first I wrote for this jam, and I'm not sure this is even a game. 
There is No Outside is definitely a game if framed oddly. I'm planning on refining it at a later date with tighter writing and possibly some examples of play or suggestions on play.

Remember Libre Baskerville Jam will be going on until August 16th.

26 June 2019

DRAFT Conversion of Battletech 'mechs for Stars Without Number, Troika! and other games.

I think any game that can interface with a 2d6 skill-like resolution can probably just bolt on Battletech.

This conversion guide is just a way to drop the Battletech rules on top of another game that uses a 2d6 resolution for things. It can also be further extrapolated to apply to any other RPG.

This idea came about to turn Battletech in a more knights etc with mecha instead of horses, with the mecha being ancient heirlooms. I want to capture the slow deliberateness of the way 'Mechs feel without having to use Mechwarrior or A Time of War. These are ancient lost and degrading tech. This is was also intended as an aid to melding a mecha combat game to King Arthur Pendragon for Cataphrakts, Courtly Love & Kaiju, and possibly through Alpha Strike help with the development of Kyuun Kyuun (pretty unlikely), although to be fair, the Traits and Passions are a pretty standalone system.

This all assumes you have Battletech rules.
The base to-hit Target Number is 7, add all the modifiers to the TN per BTech.

For Stars Without Number characters, add skill+attribute bonus to the die roll. Resolve per Battletech rules.
For Troika characters it's a normal Roll Under with the Btech modifiers being added to the die roll.
For games like D&D that do not have a 2d6 based skill system, characters/monsters get a base TN of 7 minus one-half of character level/HD.

As a general rule, I think that if you want to use Btech for clunky stompy robot fights in your rpg, if it's a a roll high vs a target number, then the SWN method should be a good starting place, eg DnD base TN is AC 14[7]. If it's a roll under system then I think the Troika! method should work. I think that since it Piloting ranges from 7 to 1 and Gunnery ranges from 7 to 0, my conversion for d20 games probably works.

These are my very very rough ideas on converting Dungeons and Dragons monsters to Battletech to create megafauna and kaiju for CCK.

This whole thing is predicated on treating the points of armor on a blank 'mech sheet as the max armor/structure per location.

The Armor Class of the monster turns into a percentage of the armor in each location. 10[10] 0%. 5[15] 50%. 0[20] 100%. If you get wild you can push into the negatives/21+ ACs just making -5[25] 150%.
The Hit Dice of the monster is multiplied by 5% to give the percentage of internal structure in each location. Treat all HD below one as one. You could either cap structure at 100% or allow it continue past for more and more structure.

I honestly don't know how well this will work in practice as I've only played a small number of games of Btech, and I have not tested these ideas out.

Libre Baskervill Jam Is Going On

I recommend looking at some of these games/writing exercises. https://itch.io/jam/libre-baskerville-jam

Rule 1: Use Libre Baskerville. This is the only truly immutable rule. Your game must be comprised entirely of text, and all of the text must be in Libre Baskerville. You can use different sizes and weights of Libre Baskerville, you can make it slant or underlined or anything, as long as it’s Libre Baskerville. (nb: I attempted to write a more thorough justification for this rule several times, but it always turned out really shit, so you’re just going to have to take my word on this one.)

And while you're hear. All my itch games with a price are on sale and bundled for 50% off.


25 June 2019

Theme of Macross as a setting

It’s a while, and I don’t think I’ve ever actually typed up my thoughts and feelings on the Macross metaseries/franchise.
Macross is not a mecha anime, which is hillarious because of the mechanical depth to they transforming mecha done.
Macross is a love story. But it's not just about the love triangle between the 3 principle characters. Or the romances or other types of love between side characters. While yes those all equally important.
Macross is also a love story between humanity and the Other that plays out through a literal culture war through weaponized music and culture. Primarily music.
Time and again, music is turned into a weapon to attack the Other, but this also proves fruitless and possibly potentially the destruction of humanity and the Other. It is only through love destruction averted. It's always a love song that ends the series.
And I maintain that all the different shows adhere to this, even SDF, despite some of them, Plus, having heavier focuses on combat or mecha.
Love beats War is the primary message of Macross, even if people get hurt badly, stretching the idea of individuals in love to humanity and the Other as characters in their own right.
There is always one pilot, who is also one of the corners of the love triangle, who enters the War out of their love of flying and as an expression of love for another corner & has a struggle with killing and combat. There is always at least one corner that loves singing or music
Plus and Delta are kind of unique in that two corners are pilots who love flying to differing degrees (this is believe in the case of Delta a byproduct of the love triangle not initially being intended but kind of forced in)

I really can't speak to other long running metaseries like Gundam with respect to their underlying themes. Like gundam just seems to have a portion of its fanbase that adores fascist iconography and has poorly relayed "war is bad mmkay" message.

1. I don't hold to the Real vs Super being good (sub) genre But
2. I don't really watch that subgenre
3. Eva is probably about love.
4. A lot of other real robot shows seem to be more about the hardware even when they are also about the human element.

5. This different emphasis between Macross as a franchise as Robotech is an interesting thing because of all the Minmay hate I still see, and even older fans of Macross getting really big mad about Frontier and bigger mad about Delta, which is Idol Band the Show and why some Macross fans don't like 7. And don't like song as SPACE MAGIC.
This is part of the reason I don't know if Thank You For Your Service is actually a mecha game or not. The sketch of a setting assumes self-aware mecha warmachines and pilots dealing with post-war life, but it doesn't actually need the mecha. It's about post-war life of soldiers.
It is because of all of these factors that Kyuun Kyuun: Super Dimensional Love has been kind of stuck in development. Also because I haven’t felt like trying to actually playtest my vague ideas. What I want the game to do is kind of weird. And while I’m not so much on the mechanics are the game kind of space right now, I don’t the entire love and relationship aspect to be handwavy kind of shit tacked on to a game like Mekton or DnD. I feel like rules should be on the things that really the interesting bits. Where the real tension is hiding.

I think I might just say fukit and type up some shitty draft rules for Kyuun Kyuun so I can stare at them and hate myself for not working on the fucking game. Because I want to do with this game isn't something I can just hack DnD or another similar game

And then lean on the reaction roll for the important focus while handwaving relationships and feelings.

Because part of what I want is for players to sometimes lose control of their characters because of their emotions.

Another part of it is I don't want a campaign arc to be a rigid arc or defined goal w/ solution or forgone conclusion.

I want the game to be the kind of game that you could plausibly believe would result in the events of the various macross shows. I want the results to create what you would expect.

Not some kind of meta narrative based game. I don't fucking know. This fucking game irritates me because I don't even know how to talk about it. And what I (don't) want.

I want the game to lead to that final battle that is won through a fucking love song BUT I don't want that victory to be assured. I want there to be that chance of failure and to have the space to answer

What IF it wasn't enough at that time. What happens next. Making what felt like would be the CLIMAX be a turning point of the grand story.

I want there to be room for shit like espionage and romance and dirty politics, civil war, questions of personhood & citizenship. What does war mean. What IS love. These are all things that show up in different shows.

Capitalism, militarism, colonialism. These are all themes in macross. All while they are love stories.
Step one would be to figure out how to structure the construction of the Other and the conflict between them and humanity.
Step Two would be to figure out roughly how long (session wise) it would be desirable to play through.

Step 3 is figuring out how to measure the progress towards the eventual (hopefully) final climax and end of series. While have enough slack to allow for a failure to finish there.

I have all my stuff on sale on Itchio.

24 June 2019

Troika! Backgrounds - Weird Space People

Brain in a Jar
You don't remember who you were before let alone what, or who put your brain in a jar let alone why. All you know is you have a passion for bad movies, growing fungi, and know an uncomfortable amount about the Lovecraftian Cults.
Mysterious Liquid in the Jar
Creepy Extendo arms
Pet Crabshroom
Advanced Skills
3 Mathmology
3 Underwater Basket Weaving
2 Engineering
2 Obscure B-movie Trivia
1 Lovecraftianism
1 Mycoculture
1 Golden Barge Pilot

Cannibal Space Mermaid
You're a mermaid. You're from the void that the spheres hang in and you like to eat people.
Sweet rocking instrument
How to Serve Men (+1 to cooking men)
2d6 Anarchist/Socialist Zines
Leather Jacket
Advanced Skills
6 Space Swimming
3 Wailing and rocking out
2 Baristaing
2 Cooking
1 Swimming
You can breathe the void between stars and planets. You can freely change your awesome mermaid tale into killer legs and back as needed.

Your people dwell in massive habitats made of giant trees in space. Whether or not you grew up in an actual Lagrange hab, there is a common culture. You are long, stringy, and your skin is brown to black.
Dart Gun
20 darts
Wooden Long Sword (sharp and strong as steel)
Potted Plant
Advanced Skills
3 Space Fighting
2 Awareness
2 Flitter Pilot
1 Astrology
1 Hold Breath
1 Horticulture
1 Second Sight
1 Sword Fighting

You're a well-dressed aristocratic sailor of the stars. Extremely charming to anyone they perceive as being their equals or betters. All non-nautilia are servants, conveyances, or food. You are actually a small nautilus-like creature that can gain control of any headless mammalian body, preferring those of humans and similarly shaped creatures.
Opium Pipe (club)
Fan (club) or Pistolet
Fancy Dress (modest armor)
Case of Calling cards
Advanced Skills
3 Dancing
3 Etiquette
2 Gambling
2 Smoking
1 Chirurgery
1 Fan or Pistolet Fighting
1 Nautiloid Pilot
1 Pipe Fighting
You prefer to eat the organs of still living vertebrates, and can giving the proper tools attach yourself to the neck stump of any vertebrate and operate it as your own body.
You can exhale opium, or other smokeable smoke, from your pipe in a perfectly conical cloud, spending 3 Stamina and requiring all within to make a luck check vs Smoking or be struck extremely languid, slow, and essentially out of combat for about 10 minutes.

Space Rock
You are one of countless lithic entities. Whether you are a former member of the Grand Lithocracy, who wishes to dominate and consume the mineral resources of the Million Spheres, turned rebel, or a secret agent pretending as such, is your secret.
Hardlight Projection of Your Soul
Hardlight Weapon (pick any one melee)
Garage Rockband T-shirt & their demo tape
Advanced Skills
3 Mineralogy
2 Fighting in your chosen weapon
1 Astrology
1 Baseball

Void Squid
You're a squid from space. You can float and fly in the air. You are as good of a pilot as you are definitely not a Cultist.
Gadget belt
Definitely not elder god cult lit
Advanced skills
3 Fly
3 Golden Barge Pilot
2 Engineering
1 Lovecraftianism
1 Pistolet Fighting

17 June 2019

Mining Planescape and Sigill for Ideas for Shardheim

I've been reading the setting material in the 2e Planescape boxset because I recently picked up Troika! which I've seen described as "Hipster Planescape." Because I had picked it up and thought the game was cool, I was wondering how I could use it. Because the sample adventure is in a hotel in the city of Troika it reminded me that I too have a weird fantasy metropolis. So naturally, I've dusted off my notes for Shard/Shartheim, which as things do, is what led me to rereading Planescape and about Sigil. (Troika! actually more reminds me of Spelljammer by way of Moorcock).

But Sigil is boring.

List of things you shouldn't, according to the book, include in Sigil:

Magical computer networks
Intra-city teleportaion chambers
Crystal ball telephone system
Assembly lines
General stores
Travel agencies
Cleric-staffed hospitals
Newspaper stands
Employment agencies
Grocery stores
Public street departments
No cute business

Because it has to adhere to the basic 2e implied setting, which a late medieval/early renaissance fauxrope, a lot of things that would, imo, fit with the kind of dingy greasy smoggy sorta Victorian London vibe I get Those things can't be there in part due to "historical accuracy."

Alright. So ignoring the reasons why you shouldn't put these things into Sigil, because at this point I decided to mine it for ideas, mostly shops and similar, what does this mean as far as Shardheim is concerned? Let's go down the list.

Blasters: I've already been willing to include early modern firearms in my campaigns. If I fully embrace my inner science-fantasy nerd, then a blaster is just a gun that shoots energy. If I were to jump to Troika! and use Shardheim as the base, then blasters or pistolets etc are just like whatever man.

Magical Computer Networks: >.> It never occurred to me to include one explicitly as such, but it would have probably happened. The amount to which it is gated behind gilded bars is debatable.

Infra-city Teleportation Chambers: When I first saw this I agreed, but on reflection fuck it why not? Shardheim is old as fuck and already has weird tech built into it. Probably make this some kind of commentary on Musk's tunnel.

Crystal Ball Telephone System: Sending/speaking stones have become a weird meme magic item in DnD fantasy so why not? Like I don't want to get too modern with things.

Assembly Lines: <.< Shardheim has several industrial districts
General/Grocery Stores: It's megalopolis, so there was going to a level of that kind of small scale convenience store going on. But still gonna have a preponderity of single product shops and artisans.

Newspaper Stands: (I WILL NOT MAKE A JOJO REFERENCE) I like semi-anachronistic stuff so naturally.

Travel Agencies: Fuck it right? Shardheim is a port city, whether that's space, star, or sea (or all three), makes sense that folks with some but not a lot of means might want some middle man to grease the way to travel.

Cleric-staffed Hospitals: Ok. Got me. I do hate that conceit. Dunno to what extent I will distinguish a hospital and church as of yet.

Employment Agencies: I'll have to think of some, maybe, but the tavern/inn where adventurers go to pick up rumors or meet patrons aren't too terribly removed from such.

Public Stree Departments: Sure, but like on a small neighborhood/district scale. Shardheim is big and barely has a centralized bureaucracy.

Banks: Ok. There is The Bank. Which is THE BANK.

Cute Businesses: So, I kind of get why this listed as something to avoid. I don't agree that because Sigil isn't cute that there isn't room for cute because the cute would contrast with the dour and serious nature of Sigil. In any case, there will cute shops like Wanda's Tea Shoppe and The Golden Bariaur Beauty Parlor in Shardheim. Remember even in Sector 7 Slum of Midgar there was a cute flower girl.

10 June 2019

Troika! Numious Edition Review

This will be a brief review as I haven't yet played Troika!
The book is nice. It has a nice feel in hand, as do the pages. Endpapers being used for reference is always a plus and more books need to be doing this.
The cover art is nice. There does appear to some kind of border artifacting on some of the images but that could be a stylistic choice as it is more of the even faded border rather than some awful image compressions.
Art is all super something, the implied setting of Troika! is great, even better if you mosey over to Daniel Sell's blog and read up on his Troika and see all the stuff he didn't include. He gives you a setting, but not wholly his setting. There is plenty of space to make it your own setting, something the space demands imo.

So some complaints.
The lack of pricing for the equipment that is in the book, but that's also probably super intentional and I'd have probably ignored it anyways. And it is clear my priorities are elsewhere.
Funny things. Section 13 Items has its subsections labeled 14.x instead of 13.x. The monster entries do not have a consistent line-spacing, and the khaibit lists its stats Stamina, Skill, Armour, Initiative, instead of the usual Stamina, Skill, Initiative, Armour.

Good things.
I wouldn't even call this advice, but this:
 And then a followup in the sample adventure showing how and when you might want to add a new advanced skill.
 Conclusions? (For Now <ominous music>)
Not perfect but definitely not a purchase I regret.
You can get it:
Melsonian Arts Council
Exalted Funeral

NB: I super up on Troika! It's kickstarted me working on Shardheim again.
Also Mr Sell has this cool open offer.
If you finish a Troika thing I will print and sell 100 hard copies for you. You'll get 50% of the gross money made, I'll eat all the costs. I will not put any trade dress on. The book is yours, you published it, I'm just selling it.

Particularly Naughty Rabbit

Particularly Naughty Rabbit

As a thief

Can box as a fighter of equal level for 1d6 damage. Damn right?
Small, like rabbit sized- cuz ur a rabbit
Can't talk- cuz ur a rabbit, but you can understand people talk.
Can't use tools or weapons- cuz ur a rabbit
Can't pick lock or disable traps- cuz u can't use tools
Inexplicable cute or stylish coat, jacket, dress or similar human type clothes.
Surprised as an elf- cuz ur a rabbit
Identify teas and other steeped beverages using the same chance to find traps.
Only When It Was Funny- 1/day slip loose or otherwise escape bonds or a trap on the condition that doing so elicits the chuckle of a good joke or the groan of a terrible pun.
Holy Shit Did That Rabbit Talk?- at level 5 you can now talk people talk.

Is this good or complete? Fuck if I know, but it looks like a good place to start and doesn't require a lot of extra bullshit.

Troika! Background

You're a small rabbit from a watercolor world. You wear an adorable bit of human-like clothes. Very snazzy or sharp. While you lack thumbs, you can brew an excellent cup of tea. Despite being a small rabbit, you can generally make yourself understandable to most non-animal talking people. You also throw a mean punch, striking as a medium beast.

Tea service
Jacket, coat, dress, or similar respectable clothes.

Advanced Skills
4 Tea
4 Fist Fighting
2 Sneak
2 Awareness

If at anytime you find yourself in a bind you can escape but only if you can find a comical way to do so which makes the GM and fellow players laugh.

08 June 2019

Troika Backgrounds

I'd normally save this shit and I dunno part it out in chunks as it became more finished. But instead I'll link the in-progress google doc so folks can see the dumbshit I'm doing.

Troika Backgrounds
Raw text is also up on itch.io.

03 June 2019

The stocking table for the Wood Witch of my Fairyland setting

I've been sitting on this full stocking table for one of the shopkeepers in this setting which I'm still working on (negligible progress because I'm waiting to actually get back to refereeing so I can use and develop the setting organically).

This is a fantasy setting, but in a saturday morning cartoon kinda way I guess because I honestly see no reason to not mix sf and fantasy in such an overt manner. Look if Barsoom and Oz are in the dna of D&D, then I can put Thundarr and other shit in my setting. I'm also trying out implied world-building through the earliest non-mundane shop's wares.

Drive Link to Wood Witch Stocking Table

Wood Witch Shop Stocking Table - Items In Addition To Restoratives

Die Roll 2d6

Expensive Tech Artifact (1000 gp+)

1d2 Type B Power Cells

1d4 Power Cells - 1d6 for type (1-2 Type A, 3-4 Rael, 5-6 Silver Disks)

2d6 Alchemical Shot for Muzzle-loading Firearms

1d3 Random Scrolls

2d4 Lesser Healing Potions

1d4 Potions - 50% Other, 50% Greater Healing

1d20 Rounds of Cased Ammo - 50% chances in clip/magazine

2d20 Goo Tubes - See Flavor Sub-table

1d4 Grenades - See Grenade Sub-table

1 Missile

Grenade Sub-table - 75% Tech, 25% Pine Cone or Acorn
Die Roll 1d6
Type and Damage
Frag - 2d6 damage
25 gp
Shock - 1d6 electrical damage
130 gp
Smoke - Obscures 20ft for 1 min
40 gp
Sticky - Entangles for 2d4 rds within 10 ft
170 gp
Incendiary - 1d6 fire damage - ignites & burns 1d4 rds
375 gp
Flash - Blinds 1d4 rds
275 gp

Alchemical Shot and Powder Sub-table
Die Roll 1d6
Type and Damage
Dragon's Breath - 2d6 fire damage in a cone save for 1/2
40 gp
Entangling Shot - 1/2 damage - entangles for 2d4 rds
40 gp
Flare - It's a flare
10 gp
Rock Salt - nonlethal except to appropriate creatures
12 gp
Lightning - 2d6 electrical damage in a cone save for 1/2
40 gp
Frost Breath - 2d6 frost damage in a cone save for 1/2
40 gp

Potion Form Table
Die Roll 1d8

1d4 oz vial



12 oz can of soft drink see Soft Drink Brand Sub-table

Hypo w/ needle or Auto-injector




Soft Drink Brand Sub-Table
Die Roll 1d8
Brand Name
Cloaca Cola
Text in the Form of Censor Mosaics
Crab Juice
Smiling Purple Crab on a Silver Background
Cockerel Lite
Orange Bull-headed Chicken Pissing into a Cup
Chili PhD
Chili Pepper in a Tweed Jacket Smoking a Pipe
Mustard JD
A Bright Yellow Curly Wig
Plain Black Lettering on a Matte White Can
Three Mushrooms in a Hot Tub
Cavern Mist
Lime Green Thong-clad Man Sweating and Flexing